Leaving wounds.

Recently, I have been really down.
There is always a reason to every human's cries.
bittersweet memories you just cant erase off.
Horrific feelings that just cant seem to fade away.
Atrocious tears you let out alone at night hoping that things will be better Once the sun starts to shine again.
Frightful moments that have taken you away for reality.

Half-Sighs.

Half empty

darkness comes again,
and as the last candle melts its wax,
with every breath shallower in the night,
there is nothing left for me to do but,
wait in muted stillness…

I seek for love.

Dreams.

So, Lately i have been having strange dreams and the weird part is, I keep dreaming about the same dream every night just that day by day, It gets further.

I was at a very desereted area with nothing around me, So i ran as fast as i could without even a since glance back . And so i saw this extremely huge school. And i went in, There was a group of students on stage dancing. Everybody looking so serious. and so i joined them on stage and the minute i stepped on the stage everybody stopped and stared at me.
Me at one corner, Just standing there with nothing on me and in fear.
Suddenly there was a little girl who came out from behind the curtains and pulled me screaming ask me to come with her.
So she opened this drain which had a starnge symbol that i can still recall in my head, she told me to go down. But everytime i wanted to go down, my head gets stuck at the the top of the hole and i was bled. Purfusely while i felt that she was screaming "He was the one who created this, You must come with me" .
That was the end

I dont know whether i will get through the hole tonight. I hope so (:

These kinds of dreams makes me think of whether i should go or i should climb up back and out of the school and search for other ways to survive. Will tthe students come for me? What is beneath that cold drain? What could be next ? What if she is the bad person? Hmm.

Nvm, Scary dreams = Stupid dreams (:

Hi !

So hi, It has been the longest time since i last posted. Its okay, I'll try to update whenever i can la ok? (:

So yeah, Baby is away now, She's in Bangkok until Monday . Please come home soon baby . I didnt even get to meet you yesterday cause i had some family problems at home, i didnt even go school ): Sighs..

Anyways, School is doing great and stuff.. I think im beginning to improve my studies, Well, in MY opinion i guess. Well yeah, i love dinah, aishah , afiqah and so on. Not so close to Fhat, Syidah all now. Im not sure why . Maybe the Drama-s all . Anyways, Doesnt matter .

Most of the time i'll be with Dinah all if not Suzi or Adib, Naqib all . having LOADS of fun in school lately . Oh gosh, Such a sad thing that i missed the Racial Harmony Day dress up thing . Just sad .. Sighs. Anyways .

Life at home has been, Complicated and miserable and Hell actually . My mum actually said that everybody's life at home will be so much happier without me . Without me, She's free. Hah, Thanks for reggretting giving birth to me. I sure will go up your vagina again and hope that god will take my soul away. Cause seriously, Syurga di tapak kaki ibu . Correct ? So what if my mother Dont want me anymore. Like, literally dont want tau . How? SHould i just go ? Or should i just stay and deal with the hate at home.

Seriously, The only love i feel is from my sister. Who is out right now. But who cares. I still love you sis. Despite the arguments and stuff, We still do get along. I know sometimes you do things for my own good. And i thank you for that . I really thank you (: Love you, My one and only Blood sister, Nadia hani . :D

Baby Sayang, Come home soon please, i miss your company, you lying down beside me with your warm arms tightly holding on to me and telling me you will not let go. your warm breath under my neck causing goosebumps, Gosh, i miss that . I miss your morning smell and your Smelly little pillow (: I miss your smile and oh god, your laughter. Your dimples, your eyes, your hands. Your everything. I really really miss you. Baby, i know we argue, ALOT lately but i do not regret every arguments because after every fight you will give in to me and that shows me that you do still love me and care for me . You do still want to spend time with me and Care for me. I do really love you and i promise you that i wont let go of you despite anything that happens, i will always love you, Em. Always.

Dinah's entry.

I saw this in Dinah's Entry..
And i thought, What the hell, i wana do this, Looks fun (:

1.Em Baby !
2.Dinah Aqilah !
3.Aishah !
4.Haq !
5.Adib Erwin !
6.Kai !
7.Nadia (My sis) !
8.Liyana (Em) !
9.Aishah (Em) !
10.Halim !
11.Aidah !
12.Hakim !
13.Farhan (Em)
14.Fauzan !

How did you get to meet 7 ? [Nadia (Sister)]
From my mother i guess !(:

(:What would you do if you and 13 never met? [Farhan (Em)]
I think my lepak life will be boring. haha (:

What if 1 & 12 went our for a date ? [ Em&Hakim]
Oh great, My girlfriend and my gay bestfriend ! Haha.

Have you ever seen 14 cry? [Fauzan]
I dont know. I dont think so. Aww, it will be such a sad sad day :( !

Would 4 and 11 be a good couple? [Haq&Aidah]
No. Not at all (:

Do you think 11 is attractive? [ Aidah ]
Yeah, excluding her minah rep side -.-"

What's 2's favourite colour? [ Dinah ! ]
Pfft. Purple, Duuh. haha.

When was the last time you talked to 9? [Aishah (Em)]
Hmm. I dont know. last week?

What language does 8 speak? [Liyana (Em)]
Language of Crazy (:

Who is 13 going out with? [ Farhan (Em) ]
I dont know actually. i think No One

What grade is 12 in? [ Hakim]
I think he is ITE? Or something. I dont know.

Would you ever date with 10? [Halim]
Haha, No. He's one of my best friend(:

Where does 5 live? [ Adib ]
143, Near school (:

What's the best thing about 3? [ Aishah !]
She's fun, damn fun to be exact. (:

What would you want to tell 10 now? [ Halim ]
Oh god, i miss you ! :(

Whats the best thing about 8? [Liyana (Em)]
haha, She's also fun ! Crazy Crazy Crazy !

Have you ever kissed 5? [ Adib Erwin ! ]
Hell No! Haha.

What was the best memory you have with 7? [nadia (My sis)]
I dont know, The nights we talked and laughed. Lepak-lepak. Best (:

When's the last time you're going to see 6? [Kai]
2 days Back , in School.

How is 14 and 12 different? [ Hakim& Fauzan.]
One short and One tall? hehe.

Is 6 pretty? [ Kai. ]
Oh, He is beautiful . haha.

How did you meet 5? [ Adib Erwin.]
Sec one, Same class. Hehe.

Is 1 your best friend? [ Em ]
She's my Best Friend, My Girlfriend and My Boyfriend (:

Do you hate 12? [ Hakim ]
Of Course not, He's nice (:

Have you seen 4 on the last month? [ Haq ]
Yes, i think so. If not, it'll just be another black figure at the back of the class(:

When was the last time you talked to 3 ? [ Aishah]
2 days back. But i tagged her blogg a few minutes ago (:

Have you been to 5's house? [ Adib Erwin ]
Oh yes, (:

When's the next time you gonna see 10? [ Halim]
I dont know, prolly a long time .

Are you close to 13? [ Farhan(Em) ]


Have you ever been to a movie with 4 before? [ Haq ]
I dont know. I dont think so (:

Have you ever gotten into trouble with 8? [ Liyana (Em)]
Nope. We are good people(:

Would you give 2 a hug? [ Dinah ! ]
Yeah, Yeah ! Hug Tight Tight, Like teddy Bear (:

When have you lied to 3? [Aishah]
Never actually. Haha. Oh ya ! Maybe in sec one or two. Recently, no.

Is 1 good with socializing? [ Em]
Depends Who ah, My baby (:

Do you know secrets about 9? [ Aishah (Em)]
Hmm. Maybe not.

Describe the relationship between 12 and 14. [ Fauzan & Hakim ]
Friends (:

Best thing about your friendship with 9? [Aishah (Em)
We Laugh, We talk, We Drink, We smoke. Da(:

What's the worst thing about 6? [kai]
His Irritatingness (: But i love you babe !

Have you ever had a crush on 12? [ Hakim ]
Haha, No actually. We're too good as friends anyways(:

Does 14 has a girlfriend or boyfriend? [ Fauzan ]
Hmm. I dont know. I dont think so. I Dont even know whether its boyfriend or girlfriend (:

Have you ever wanted to punch 1's face? [ Em ]
Haha ! Yes Baby, I do want to punch Your face (:

Has 2 met your mother? [ Dinah ]
Hmm. I dont know actually. i dont think so(:

How did you get to meet 3? [Aishah]
Goodness, She was in my Sec one Class, And she is Crazy ! (:

Did you ever physically hurt 3? [ Aishah ]
I dont think so (: If i did, Im sorry !

Do you live close to 7? [ Nadia (My sis) ]
I Wouldnt Say too close ! -.-"

What's 8's favourite food? [ Liyana (Em) ]
Nasi Lemak in the morning? Haha.

What kind of car does 1 has? [ Em Baby ! ]
Hmm. Porche (: Dream on Baby, Dream On.. (:

Have you travelled anywhere with 9 before? [ Aishah(Em) ]
Hmm. No.

If you give 14 $100 , what will he/she spend it on? [ My mother]
I dont know, Camera Assesories? Haha.


The end.

School Nowadays Have been AWESOME !

thanks to my classmates Expecially Dinah, Aishah and Afiqah,

thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

And Em Baby syg, I never loved you less.

-Going 11 Months, Yey !

- Next month, A year ! Yey !

I love you so much Em baby Syg (:

School.

Oh gosh, School was fucking awesome la siak.
I have never in my life laughed out loud that way before. Its like, wow !
Thanks to my dearest friends, classmates, to be precise.
Well, the day started off when tay did not come ! Fucking hell, me and fhat actually changed our P.E attire. Stupid Stupid us! (:
I did my sudoku in the straits time and did some reading. So then, i got bored, picked up a chair and moved to the back of the class (:
So me, Aishah, Dinah, Afiqah, Kila and Ain started talking and it wa going great.. And we started some giggles here and there. So yeah, after that was Recess.
Had my mee bandung with Faz, fiq, dinah, baby, ama, aishah, hafizah and so on... Had lots of fun talking and Roy actually made me "close to puke" Siak.
She spit on Faz's mee. and it was DAMN GROSS OKAY !
Anyways, Bla bla bla..

The best part :
I had the BEST TIME during assembly. 'Free period' to be exact.
I was literally at the top of my lungs laughing. I swear i could die from laughing too hard. It was chaos.
It was LOTS of fun actually.
Dinah melatar and her non-stop 'You are not alone, and i am here with you' MJ Song.
And i will always continue ' I think about it every night and day, spread my wings and fly away' R kelly (:
Did some silly jokes, Had LOTS of fun making fun of kumar "YOU ARE NOT ALONE" haha.

Ayim, Apan, kai and SONG LEE -.-" . Did some punching or whatsoever crap and oh god ayim, you need some work ! hahaha.
And oh yes, not forgetting the "Butt-pinching" incident. Aishah pinched my ass and i literally melatar and made a duck body shape. I dont know how to describe. Haha. It was, fantastic.
It was just incredible, i never thought i could laugh that hard. And loud and actually. I went "To the top" When Kai gave dinah a shock and she was so SHOCKED that she did some hand movements. Oh god,
It was so remarkable. (:
It was so fantastic. Oh god.
I am literally laughing by myself .

Oh god, and my sister is being a pain in the ARSE. (:
Love ya. :D

Okay guys. I go first. bye

family.

Fucking hell, im going to leave this house. Now. Cause you know what ? I cannot stand everything that is happening . Like, EVERYTHING ! my fucking dad is fucking leaving from this fucking house. How the fuck am i suppose to stand this nonsense. Fuck this shit.
My father is on the phone with Em Right now, Screaming outside. What the fuck siak . I fucking hate my fucking father. Just get the fuck out saiful. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. Fucking hell ! Get the fuck out la siak ! Nabei chow fucking chibye . I hate this fucking house . Im leaving . Hell...
Try to even contact me and i swear on my life that i will bash your fucking in through your fucking wall and i will make sure your blood splatter on my fucking body cause you guys dont mean shit to me. ARRRGGHH